Today, I will be starting a series of blogs about bad dates, relationships, etc. It will sort of resemble My Horizontal Life by Chelsea Handler, just minus the horizontal part. (You really don't need an X-rated view into my sex life, so I will keep it pretty PG-13.)
I don't know what triggered the memory but while I was working (I.E. reading a magazine) I thought of this time in college when I was set up on a blind date.
Here is the back story. During my first semester at Kean I had a 3 hour Communications class on Friday mornings at 11am. What I'm about to say sounds a little racist because color shouldn't matter but there were only 3 white kids in the class, this guy, Danielle, and myself. We never segregated ourselves in the class but our professor did. There was about 20 other kids in the class but for some reason we were always grouped up with each other. Danielle and I sort of became friends because we had group assignments to do and well let's face it no one wants to be in a class on Friday so you might as well make friends and make it enjoyable.
On one such occasion Danielle had told me that her job was holding a “booze cruise.” She had 4 tickets and the girl that she was suppose to go with bailed. When I think about it now, she might have just said that because she wanted to hook me up with her boyfriend's friend. Normally, I don't agree to go to a place where the only exit is to jump off a boat and swim back to Chelsea Piers but I'm a sucker and I had a huge crush on Danielle. (You will later find out that I dated a lot of guys just to get closer to their friends who happen to be hot girls.) Danielle told me that they would pick me up from my house that Saturday at 7 and all four of us will head into the city. (I wasn't even sure whether I was going to be able to get on the boat since I was only 17, I didn't turn 18 till about half-way through the semester.)
They came and got me and when "my date" Jason got out of the car he happened to be about 6'5" and was solid muscle, with a shaved head. (Very intimidating.) We drove into the city. Since we were going on a booze cruise we decided it was best to get some food into our stomachs before we got on the boat. After we ate we started to walk down to the piers. On the way, these two bums came up to the guys and tried to get them to buy their roses. (I have come to find now, that this is not a rare occurrence and in my many trips into the city I have been asked numerous times if I wanted to buy a rose for my "wife", on my first date with Hayley I was so happy I gave the guy $20 bucks.) My date and the other guy were suckers and bought each of us a rose, what the hell was I going to do with a rose on a friggin ship sailing the Hudson ? The ship was pretty cool, there were a lot of people on board and if you know me I don't like a lot of people, I totally get freaked out. I decided it was beautiful night so I decided on a spot at the back of the ship. The boys started buying us drinks which was awesome for me because the drinks were ridiculously expensive. The night was gorgeous and New York at night for me is the most amazing sight.
The night went on and Jason made his move. He seemed like a nice guy so I didn't mind kissing him. The night ended and Danielle's date was plastered. He was so drunk we had to carry him to the bathroom only to have him pee his pants anyway. This guy was a mess and unfortunately he was our driver. Neither Danielle nor Jason was sober enough to drive and since I only had 2 drinks I was going to have to drive. Once we got off the boat Kevin (this definitely was not his name but I'm just going to call Danielle's date Kevin for now on) couldn't stand up on his own, so Jason and I had to carry him to his car. We all piled in and I was about to head home when I realized his car has a stick shift. I have never driven a stick before (please insert lesbian pun here.) It was time to learn, after a brief explanation and a couple of stalls, we headed back to NJ.
We decided that since no one besides myself was sober enough to drive home once we got back in; everyone would stay at my house. We made Kevin sleep on my couch with a giant garbage can, Danielle would sleep in my room and for some dumb reason I decided that Jason and I would sleep in my parents’ bed. I told him that he was a nice guy but nothing was going to happen in bed. He agreed, as we were getting ready to go to bed he took of his shirt and that's when I saw it.... a giant swastika on the middle of his back. I didn't know what to think, I was so dumbfounded. I figured I was safe since I am a poster child for the Arian race.
The next morning we all got up and they invited me to go out to breakfast with them. I had to get out of this situation so I quickly came up with an excuse and sent them on their way. In the next coming weeks Jason would call me and I had to dodge his phone calls and field questions from Danielle, I wasn't sure whether she knew that her friend Jason was a giant skinhead or not. I realized I couldn't keep stringing this guy along and he clearly was not taking the hint. I had to let him down. He called me one night to invite me out to dinner and that's when I told him that I wasn't really interested in dating or guys for that matter. He told me in a not so nice matter that I was ruining the race and that I will be punished along with the really bad words for African Americans and Jewish people.
From then on I made it a point to ask someone on the first date whether or not they had any tattoos I should know about before I got into bed with them.
