As much as I am a product of my father, I have a few of my mother's hang-ups. The most prominent one is being overly paranoid and caring what others think about me. I am the type of person that doesn't need to be anyone's friend just as long as they think I'm a cool person and have a positive image about me. This has taken over 25 years to master and has increased my paranoia causing me to be more of an introvert and hermit. (People can't hate me if they never see me.)
When I was younger or what I like to refer to as B.H.E. (Before Hayley Era) I was extremely outgoing and a little too much to handle, essentially I was annoying. I used to call "my friends" all the time to talk, offering up tons of information that not everyone needed to know. I still have bouts of this every once in a while but my past has pretty much me develop a phone phobia. I rarely pick it up in fear of making an ass of myself.
Little by little, I started noticing that "my friends" didn't want to hang out with me. I remember on a drive back from somewhere, I confronted one of those so-called friends about why I stopped getting invited out to go places. Her response was blunt and it cut like a knife, "You are too overwhelming and annoying," those words still echo in my mind.
I learned a few things from that harsh moment in reality:
• Don't be trusting of people right away. (Sometimes you think someone is your friend but they just go behind your back and talk smack. Hey that rhymed.)
• Be mysterious. Less is more, the less someone knows about you the less they have to judge you on.
• Don't be too quick to form a friendship, that person had the potential of being just as off as you.
• Make occasional appearances. When a group of people hasn’t seen you in a while, they tend to be more excited when you show up.
For a while I had an easy time keeping cool and mysterious but secretly nervous that people were judging me. That is until I met Hayley. Hayley holds two positions in my life (stop thinking dirty thoughts pervert) she holds my heart and the role of my B.F.F. If you don't know Hayley, you should be aware that she is extremely talented. Her most incredible ability is to make me terribly uncomfortable in about 90% of most situations with her. She has a knack for saying what she is thinking without filtering it first. I often become extremely red, very fast, when she says things without a care. Hayley is like me in ways, she wants everyone to like her but she rather get laughs more than following social norms. She has no problem saying anything to get a laugh, which results in me yelling her name in shock/anger/embarrassment. It works for her and most people do love her for it. However, I am always worried that people think that I share the same thoughts and comments as her and think I'm weird or worse yet annoying. Because of her outrageous personalities I find myself retreating and becoming more and more quiet and shy. You may be thinking, " well, why are you still with her then?" It's simple........ Love.
